Chaos Baking with Poppy and Eliza :)

Chaos Baking with Poppy and Eliza :)

Chaos Baking: First Edition

(yes, there’s more)

I am currently writing this and hoping to edit it an hour before it is due. (Just adds to the theme if you ask me).  So, as that seems to be the only introduction I have time to prepare for, brace yourselves this is going to be hectic.

Me and my equally-as-chaotic partner spent great thought on a sophisticated, intricate, and unique recipe that would sound appealing to all. So, naturally, we combined brain cells and came up with a fantabulous idea. Here we have, a brief and very well thought out instruction manual for;

Avocado Pie

Step One:

As all professionals do, the first step is to look at the ingredients which are, for some reason, always at the bottom of the webpage. But because this recipe was found on the dark web, conveniently, the ingredients were the only instructions given.

First things first, put everything you need on the bench in an organised fashion like so:

(We brought out two baking tins because we suspected we needed them. We were wrong.)

Step Two:

Get your packet of graham crackers, or wine biscuits if you prefer, and beat them until they’re the consistency of sawdust or somewhat resembling that. Rolling pin is recommended. Please do not do this while they’re in the packet they came in, since as me and Eliza discovered, biscuit crumbs will shoot out of both ends. Then mix this with melted butter, sugar and salt, and place in the oven until lightly browned.

Note: It may crumble like your love life. That's totally normal, we think. 

Step Three:

Chuck literally everything else in a bowl and use a mixer to make your life easier. I’m sure the instructions we followed were more complicated than this but it really shouldn’t make much difference. This mixture should slightly resemble wasabi:

Tip: using extra condensed milk never hurt anyone, trust me on this. 

Oh also, you may come upon this evil trap:

Spikey green mixer stick. Do NOT lick! Those are avocado fibers. This was, in fact, discovered the hard way.

Step Four:

Discover that this needs to be stuck in the fridge for four hours and kidnap your baking buddy for an overnight stay at the last minute.

She made it into a flower, isn’t it lovely? Looks a little less horrifying in my opinion.

Step Five:

Whip that baby out of the fridge and enjoy with some whipped cream! I have to admit, it took about three slices for me to decide whether I loved or hated it. This was a very strange recipe but slightly addicting. Very light and… sweet? Savoury? Neither of us have any idea what this pie is. It tasted like a midsummer identity crisis. I think it’s safe to say that this was the most confusing dish I have ever eaten. But I’m definitely going to horrify the family at Christmas with this desert.

Oh, right, I almost forgot! Here is the ingredients list in a convenient place:


For the Crust:

5 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1 ½ cups of graham cracker crumbs
1 tablespoon of granulated sugar
Pinch of salt

For the filling:

3 small avos
A pack of cream cheese
1 14-ounce of sweetened condensed milk
2 ½ tablespoons of lime juice
1 ½ tablespoons of lemon juice

Written By:

Poppy L.
(ft. Eliza F.)